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Letter to my Unborn Child

Dec 14, 2018

Warning: Long Sentimental Post – 90 to 110 Second read.

Last night we were touring the hospital where our child is going to be born. So many nervous parents-in-waiting. One thing that delighted me was how happy I am with my partner in all of this business. Brina has handled herself so well during this baby-baking journey. I know the most difficult obstacles are yet to come but I feel resolute in facing whatever challenges are ahead together.

In this post modern world sometimes it feels like there isn’t a lot to hang onto. There is a gripping wave of nihilism that has been cropping up over my lifetime and appears to be cresting now. Our amazing friends threw Brina a super epic shower a couple weeks ago and part of the theme was to write a letter to our unborn child talking about its mother. I gladly obliged and here is my submission.

—- Letter to my Unborn Child ——

Oh my little critter, I have no idea what world you will have found yourself in as you read this letter. Perhaps things are grand or perhaps they are awful. Likely it’s a bit of both with a lot of things pulling you one way or another. I am assuming that life for you will flow as it has for the rest of us, like a river that at times seems still and at others is rushing in a mighty torrent. The waters that carry us are far greater than each of us and we all struggle to find our place in its murky depths. At some point, like all others before us, we will eventually succumb to the waters. Ok, I know I just got a little heavy there but it just is what it is. Our journey will always be about staring into this void and your life is about how you choose to fill that void.

People, religions, philosophies all like to pretend they have the answer to the void but they don’t. There is no magic pill to this void. No one can sell you the cure to this void, even though they will try to at every stage of your life. At the end of the day only you can decide what your relationship with the void will be. All I can do is hope to be a bit of guidance.

The best wisdom I can share is by talking about your mom, Brina Michelle Palencia, and yes she did in fact have a name before you were born other than mom. I can honestly tell you that has she has found more meaning in this journey and has filled the void better than anyone else I have met.

First and foremost as of writing this, pre-you, I can say that my relationship to your mother has been the greatest joy of my life. She has been my partner through success and failure, boredom and bustle, and all the in-betweens. She has taught me many lessons in life not by trying, but by being. That is what I want to focus on here is her ability to “be.”

The river of life will pull you every direction possible. Your mom, pretty much opposite of me, doesn’t let the push and pull of life define her. She makes it her business to define herself. She is always on some sort of journey. She chooses to embrace the suffering and troubles of life and use them as fuel for her creation. She has created so many things, including you, and what I learned from her is this. Courage doesn’t mean you aren’t afraid, courage means taking action in spite of your fear. When she feels the void or emptiness of life instead of withdrawing or blaming something she creates. When her heart is broken she creates. When plans fail she creates. When life just is too much to bare she creates.

So I can’t tell you what pains or what challenges will confront you in life. I hope to be by your side for as long as possible to share these burdens but the waters of life give no guarantees. The greatest gift I could give you is for you to take after your mother. See the world for what it is and have the courage, like your mom, to confront the darkness of life by choosing to create light.

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